A Nightmare of the cold Afternoon

I just crashed on my bed . i was exhausted to the core . My emotions just ate every bit of energy inside my body. i pulled a blanket over myself i was shivering i pulled another one on me as it was getting worse for me. it was cold outside but not as i was feeling it . My past came infornt of me again. And my memories were forming a vicious circle that were tearing me apart. People do get what they deserve what you sow is what you reap but i dont want that. i forgive whatever they did to me. I don't care about them anymore. This is a faze i thought, this definetly not me but whatever this is it is killing me.

"I am sick of making people understand that i care. The harder i try the deeper i engrave on my skkin that you are alone. I GIVE UP. I cant make anyone understand anymore. Whatever i feel will be inside me. I am Close to my GOD, yes MY GOD , he is mine He is my will my best friend i am not religious. the only religion i follow is not to hurt anyone and sometimes i do end up doing that and i totally don't mean to. That is my spirituality COOL OR UNCOOL thats me.

For the people i care i love you all and i know you understand me. If you say sorry and you mean it you know it doesnt takes me long to forgive anyone but say SORRY only if you mean that. I cant change the future but i can change my KARMA and i will
Hell yeah1 i am alive i am proud to be me. i am true to myself that in itself is like being better than 80% of this world. I am not confused i know what i want. I am rude but true i am Arrogant but loyal I am hurt but brave and most important of all I AM
if love me that is the most cherished thing in my life If you hate me that does hurts me and i do try to change myself for i care but in the end i will end up being ME"

This uneasiness took me out of the bed, with my numb feet i went to the washroom i saw myself and Screamed And lo! i woke up in sweat

This was my NIGHTMARE OF THE COLD AFTERNOON