Scars at the front page

Now even a good sleep doesn't helps. All the while for like 3 months it was the only thing that could divert my mind of the questions which just drag me to somewhere which is close to hell. I don't know if it's me or what that my past still lingers in a form I no longer understand. Every morning I wake up with a feeling so empty. The ups and downs just freak me out. It's like at one moment nothing in the world makes sense for you. All you see is that you are alone and only shit has happens in your life. And the very next moment you are the most intellectual person who knows it all. Like a wise man on top of the hill he knows every quote and he can begin again from nowhere. Like a vicious cycle which never stops. Like a brutal battle inside you which somewhere deeper is making you numb to everything. Neither happy nor sad nor satisfied. Like a" I don't know faze" of ones life. I have made a really big mess of my own life and that too in every possible corner of my life. Giving up is no longer an option. I feel like a book which has scars on the first page everyone sees it but noone cares to know what's ahead. i don't want answers cause i know them all actually i want i want i want but i dont know what.