The Joys of being anonymous

Though my life is totally messed up but i am having this momentarily joy of being anonymous. I can whine, i can swear , i can do what ever i like and i wont be stereotyped. for this is my alter ego , the face of life not everyone knows.

My assignments are due , been out of work and no one to talk to. The one with whom i could be the real me. How good life could be and yes i can say it LOUD and CLEAR. But the fact is i am feeling a kind of content. I am enjoying my streak of continuous entertainment, watching DEXTER. I am done with first two seasons and half way through third. Downloading songs, watching random videos on you-tube, looking around on regular things that look so strange, just to keep the shit out of my head. I left home two years ago and today i am sitting miles away when my family ( ma , dad and my sister and my best friend ) need me the most. I have so much to do that i am overwhelmed. So overwhelming that i cant express myself. Most of people cant do it might be what you will be thinking but this was something i was good at.

This is the first time i am not feeling anything. I have always thought of myself as a FEELER. First i thought it was negative emotions taking toll of my senses but i tried things i am addicted to music but that didnt work , Even Bob Marley , i couldnt even feel his music. Everytime i try to force myself to feel something my brain retorts MEH! My brain has never been such a bitch. Countless blog updates on my anonymous blog, stalking around facebook , stroll in the nearby park on a Saturday night and realizing i was talking to myself out loud. That sucks! My creations are not as feeling-less but whatever this blog has is the most bizzare shit i ever produced.
If there is God or somehow any higher power i want to say

Dude! i am fucked up. Please help

Ps dont mind the grammatical mistakes. if something doesnt makes sense it is not supposed to

Cheers

Arranging Life

I woke up with a massive hangover but i had a determination that i will take control of my life today. Packed all my stuff ,laundry done , closet arranged as a corpse inside coffin. It looks beautiful and calm but we all know its dead.I have deleted my every trace that links me to my past.I always left trails behind me that helped my past follow me. But with my past those trails also were a huge attraction for the sympathizers. I hate such people and i rarely use the word hate. Just to satisfy their own guilt ridden conscious or just to brag their own level of maturity.Even my virtual life suffered from this. A few shit heads will stalk me and try their best to link my every word , my every gesture and my every fukin move to my past.

I am not a social outcast , i am human and as like every human my brain is futile. Most of the times i try not be human. Humans always have a reason or they are looking for it and i don't like doing things for a reason. MAy sound absurd but that's the way I am.

a Simple Pendulum

Its been ages since i let my shit go public. its been ages since i let the traces of either the angel or the devil inside get public. All the while when i was writing stuff about whatever affected my life and people around me thought that was the only face i had. Its been said that nothing in life is permanent. The whole universe changes every second. But for the past few months, i made an observation that stereotypes don't change. i feel people just take me as pessimist who whinges about every damn thing. That really pisses me off as i feel like i never had real friends.In past few years whom i thought were my real friends but i guess they were nothing more than a punching bag, or they were just trying to satisfy the I am a pendulum, i have two extremes and i keep moving to and fro. And like every other pendulum most of my life is spent between the extremes. I sit and stare on the events happening around the ones i didn't had control over.

Finding a perfect answer to every question i have now seems like finding a corner to a perfect sphere.It doesn't exist or its every where.Sometimes i feel like why do i give people so much control over me. Like they tell me what i am thinking or feeling or whatever i do is not right. Two words....

Fuck You.

And now i should stop what u might think as cribbing but which i take as sharing cause again i am on a run to find the corner to this perfect sphere and like a pendulum of thoughts hanging inside my head is again in motion. And welcome to my new alter ego.....

Emotional Parasite